


Bad, Bad Moon

by Ursula



Category: The X-Files
Genre: Alternate Universe
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2004-05-27
Updated: 2006-10-09
Packaged: 2019-02-05 14:12:49
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 6,021
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12796224
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ursula/pseuds/Ursula
Summary: Peja said: BAD MOON ON THE RISE CHALLENGE. One of your characters is mauled by a wolf...natural or supernatural is up to you...insanity follows...and a bad moon is on the rise.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Note from Haven, the archivist: This story was originally archived at [Fandom Haven Story Archive (FHSA)](http://fanlore.org/wiki/Fandom_Haven_Story_Archive), was scheduled to shut down at the end of 2016. To preserve the archive, I began working with the OTW to transfer the stories to the AO3 as an Open Doors-approved project in November 2017. If you are this creator and the work hasn't transferred to your AO3 account, please contact me using the e-mail address on [Fandom Haven Story Archive collection profile](http://archiveofourown.org/collections/fhsa/profile).

Not quite a wolf.... 

 

 

OooOooO 

 

Mulder scowled as Krycek nearly trod on his heels. The kid was definitely in the way. Glancing around, Mulder said, " Look, whoever assigned you to watch my ass didn't meant that literally. These shoes are Italian leather. I don't appreciate you scuffing them." 

 

Big green eyes blinked and Krycek said softly, "Sorry, Mulder, I was just thinking about the case." 

 

"It's not a real case," Mulder said. "It's Skinner's way of punishing me. As if disappearing high fashion boots and designer collars for pets were of world -shaking significance . . . I bet we'll find out that the cleaning lady is cleaning up on them." 

 

"It might not be an X File," Krycek replied, "but since this is supposed to be world summit on disarmament, it is important that the delegates feel safe and comfortable. And it's been a lot more than just the boots and collars. They have been missing valuables as well. With all this pilfering going on, they aren't likely to be concentrating on the task at hand." 

 

The large hotel catered to conventions great and small. In the lobby, placards directed visitors to the UN sponsored conference in one of the larger rooms, but smaller groups had secured other settings. 

 

"National Association of Nannies Incorporated?" Mulder muttered. 

 

"Nannies," Alex said. " It always makes me think of Mary Poppins. Did you ever have a real nanny?" 

 

"No, could have used one," Mulder said, his mood darkening as he recalled being left to baby-sit Samantha seemingly from the day of her birth. 

 

Now Alex had stopped next to another placard. He had an endearingly puzzled frown on his face, that cute little wrinkle indenting between his eyes. 

 

"Cost Right Organization of Oxford, Kansas?" Alex read aloud. "There's an Oxford in Kansas?" 

 

Going through the jumble of information in his head, Mulder said, "Yes, there is. Founded in 1871 and named in the hope of it becoming a beacon of learning in Indian Territory. It was a booming oil town for a while. Still has an opera house." 

 

Taking Alex's arm, Mulder jerked him along at a quicker pace. They had a meeting with the head of Security and, at this rate, they would be late. 

 

As they approached the elevator, an elegant woman with a very large black poodle on a jeweled leash departed it. She wore a broad brimmed hat that sported a small half veil. Her long legs were attired in black nylons, the kind of leg wear that Scully would have killed to be able to wear and could not with her short, plump legs. 

 

Reflectively, Mulder gazed at Alex's legs, which were very long and shapely. Now he would look very nice in nylons like that. 

 

In the elevator, Alex said, "That poodle smirked at me." 

 

"What?" Mulder asked. 

 

"He sniffed my ass, winked, and grinned," Alex said sulkily. 

 

"I didn't see that,'" Mulder said. 

 

"Yeah, you were too busy checking out the bitch's legs," Alex said. 

 

"I was not," Mulder said, not wanting to explain his beguiling fantasy about his partner in black nylons. 

 

"Were too," Alex muttered as he punched the button. 

 

"Keep your mind on business," Mulder directed. 

 

OooOooO 

 

The head of security was a Mr. Maxwell Smart and did not seem to live up to his name. His speculations immediately involved worldwide conspiracies and the forces of chaos. 

 

Now Mulder liked a good conspiracy theory as well as the next man, but Smart's ravings just didn't fit the facts. 

 

Mulder was sure it was an ordinary thief plaguing the delegates. 

 

His narrowly set eyes shadowed by his lowering brows, Smart said, "Look for initials, I tell you. Evil always has an acronym. Always." 

 

Alex seemed to take this to heart. He said, "That's it. That's what struck me as odd. Cost Right Organization of Oxford, Kansas. Think about the initials. It spells out Crook." 

 

"Oh, Alex," Mulder said, feeling rather as he expected Scully did upon hearing one of his more bizarre theories. They would be fools to hide under such an obvious disguise." 

 

"Right, and that's what makes them so brilliant," Smart said. 

 

"I'll have a security clearance run on them," Mulder said ungraciously. "Meanwhile, we question the hotel staff." 

 

OooOooO 

 

Mulder had to admit that he was a little concerned about leaving Krycek on his own. Although he believed that the young agent was even more of a plant than Scully had been, at times, Alex Krycek still seemed too naïve to let roam around on his own. 

 

The idea that Maxwell Smart was leading Alex around didn't reassure Mulder at all. He thought that the guy's face belonged as an illustration for stupid in the Webster's abridged illustrated dictionary. 

 

However, there were dozens of waitpersons, maids, bellboys, and concierges. It would take them all day to interview them. 

 

As Mulder sighed over the employee files in front of him, he caught sight of the large black poodle last seen with the seductive damsel in the black veil. The dog was on his own and had a large paper sack in his mouth. From the looks of the sagging bottom of the sack, the poodle had a lot of loot in that container. 

What if... 

 

Just what if someone had trained the dog to steal. 

 

And Mulder left the room full of disgruntled employees confused in his wake as he chased the poodle down. 

 

OooOooO 

 

Meanwhile, Alex looked on dubiously as Maxwell Smart lined up the conventioneer going members of the National Association of Nannies Incorporated and the attending members of the Cost Right Organization of Oxford Kansas. 

 

Still despite the fact that Smart seemed more than a bit off, Alex had to admit that the members of CROOK looked very shady. Most of them wore black cat suits and carried gunny sacks rather than briefcases. 

 

Looking at the assembly, Alex could see that disaster was brewing. Many of the NANI members were of a sterner disposition. They were eying the ill behaved and conniving CROOKS and tapped various paddles, rulers, and an umbrella or two. 

 

Alex sighed, wondering what Mulder would say about his agreement to gather up the two conventions rather than question the hotel staff members as he was told to do. He had a feeling that it wasn't going to be kind words and a pat on his cute butt. Damn, too bad, maybe if Mulder patted his butt, the guy would get the idea. 

 

Well, on the off chance, that Smart was actually on to something, Alex asked, "What should we do now?" 

 

A beatific expression crossed Smart's face. You could tell his only purpose in life was to speak the immortal line. 

 

Smart said, "First we search every crook and nanny." 

 

Before Alex could run screaming in horror from the room, Mulder's cries aroused him. His beloved, however unaware, was either having one hell of an orgasm or he was in terrible pain. 

 

Alex to the rescue... 

 

OooOooO 

 

It didn't surprise Mulder to find the poodle emptying his sack of various ill-gotten goods. What did surprise him is that the lovely lady, Amanda, was not helping the canine. The poodle seemed well able to sort through the national secrets, finely tooled billfolds, and personal jewelry without human hands. 

"Where's the bitch, dog?" Mulder mused. 

 

"aarrr off 'aving er air done," the poodle replied. 

 

And with that, the poodle sprang at Mulder, very strong and agile despite his pouf of a hair-do. Mulder could barely keep the creature from tearing out his throat. 

 

Who knows what might have happened except that Alex arrived on the scene, grabbed the were- poodle by the collar and dragged him off, sustaining bites heroically in the process. By the time, they had bound up each other's wounds, the poodle was long gone along with the lovely woman who held his leash. 

 

Smart had warded off the poodle's attack with pepper spray. He hadn't caught the nefarious canine however. 

 

"Missed it by this much..." Smart remarked, holding his fingers slightly apart. 

Groaning, Mulder said, "We'll have to stay on then. He might return to the scene of the crime." 

 

"He might want this," Alex said, holding up a jeweled collar. 

 

Rolling his eyes, Mulder pulled the younger agent into the elevator. He had this sudden incredible urge to show Alex who was boss. 

 

OooOooO 

 

Back in the hotel room they had been provided, Mulder pushed Alex in the door. 

"Where were you?" Mulder snarled. "I could have been killed." 

 

"But Mulder, you wanted to work on your own," Alex protested. 

 

Somehow the fact that Alex was right made it worse. 

 

Pouncing on Alex, Mulder ripped impatiently at his partner's trousers, tearing them off to expose the silken and quivering ass. Mounting the subservient younger male, Mulder growled, "I'll show you who is boss." 

 

Dammed if Alex didn't seem to enjoy being mounted... 

 

The two men were so busily engaged, they didn't noticed their gradual metamorphosis. Nor did they notice, when satiated and needing to sleep off their excesses, the woman who entered and snapped gentle leaders on their slumbering muzzles.... 

 

OooOooO 

 

"Mom, look what Mulder sent me," Dana Scully said. 

 

Maggie Scully sighed. Mulder...left up to him, there would never be grandchildren. Why couldn't Dana see that the man was gay...gay...gay! 

And look at this, if this wasn't proof... 

 

Her daughter's partner had given her a set of almost perfectly matched standard poodles. The only difference was that the younger dog had lovely green eyes, ruining him for conformation showing. That must be why he wore only a puppy cut, a close-cropped utilitarian clip. 

 

The older poodle pranced in full French show cut, large puffs of fur at his shoulders, around his ankles, and hips. Good thing on the hips as the male was clearly a stud, a well hung one at that. 

 

"They are lovely," Maggie said. "Too bad, he didn't give you a male and a female. Puppies would be so sweet. Maybe you could trade the younger dog for a female?" 

 

Dana blushed and said, "Well, Mom, I'm not sure they would like that. The older dog, I'm calling him, Foxy, keeps mounting the younger one, whom I have named Ratty. I don't think he would make a good father." 

 

"And where is our generous Mulder?" Maggie asked. 

 

"I hate to say it, Mom, but you were right. He was assigned this really attractive younger male partner and they seem to run off together. These dogs were delivered with a perfumed note saying not to look for Mulder and Alex...that they were well and happy. It was a shock..." Dana said. 

 

OooOooO 

 

As Dana dragged them off on another walk, Mulder nipped at Alex's flanks. "Rrrr' stupid Asss 'air cr cut" he growled, wondering why Alex got the puppy cut and he had the English Saddle... 

 

The end


	2. Were-Poodles On Mars

  
Author's notes: A follow up story to Bad, Bad Moon, written for Laura after she was bitten by the nasty dogs next door. She was saving her pit puppy, a dog she already saved from an injury and the streets.  


* * *

Title: Were Poodles on Mars

 

 

Author/Pseudonym: Ursula

 

 

Fandom: X-Files

 

 

Pairing: Mulder/Krycek

 

 

Rating: Adult Slash

 

 

Status:Finished

 

 

Date Posted: 04-09-05

 

 

Archive: FHSA

 

 

 

 

E-mail address for feedback: Fan4Richie or Ursula4X@aol.com

 

 

 

 

Classification: Humor

 

 

Series/Sequel: Is this story part of a series: Sequel to Bad Bad Moon

 

 

http://www.fhsarchive.com/autoarchive/viewstory.php?sid=552

 

 

Disclaimers: No profit, fan fiction for fun. X Files characters still belong to Carter et al.

 

 

 

 

Notes: For Laura as a get well gift

 

 

 

 

Warnings: Slash

 

 

Time Frame: Three past Story Time

 

 

"Thank you, Walter," Scully said. "The kennel where I keep them won't have them back, not together. The problem is when they are together, they're either fighting or err mounting each other."

 

 

"Couldn't they just keep them apart?" Walter said. He liked dogs but he was worried about having to walk French poodles in the park. His reputation was already at risk.

 

 

"If they are separated, they howl and claw at the kennel," Scully said. "Ratty is terrible about escaping too and then he lets Foxy loose too. Then they try to go to Mulder's old apartment."

 

 

"That's very sad," Walter said. "I wonder why? Could Mulder have known these dogs?"

 

 

"It's a mystery," Scully said. "I have no idea where they came from before I found them with that note." She stood on her tiptoes to kiss Walter on the cheek. "I really appreciate it. Let me go and get their things."

 

 

The last time Walter had a dog, he was seventeen. He remembered having a bag of dog food, a collar, a leash, and two old pots to use as dishes. Scully brought in a huge dog bed, an assortment of brushes, shampoo, four dishes, and a box of dog toys. Puffing, Scully said, "That's everything. You don't need their crates. They are perfectly house trained now. I had problems with Ratty at first, but with kind, consistent attention, he mastered house breaking."

 

 

"Here's the phone number to the spa," Scully said, giving him a slip of paper. "Thank you again."

 

 

The poodles sniffed around Walter's apartment restlessly before the black poodle climbed on his couch and grabbed his remote control in its mouth. Walter didn't stop the dog only because the white poodle had pawed the sliding glass door to his balcony. Walter let the dog out to sniff around and turned around, noticing what the larger dog was doing.

 

 

"Bad dog," Walter said. "Down. Go to your bed."

 

 

The dog looked him in the eyes, lolled out its tongue, as if it was laughing, and then proceeded to lick its balls.

 

 

"Off," yelled Walter before resorting to physical violence and pulling the poodle off his black leather couch.

 

 

The son of a bitch growled at him and the smaller poodle bit him in the ass.

 

 

Walter locked them both on the balcony.

 

 

OooOooO

 

 

"Mr. Skinner?" the frail little voice said.

 

 

"Yes?" Walter said into the phone.

 

 

"It's Velma Hopkins, the lady upstairs? You remember. You helped me with my groceries the other day," the voice added.

 

 

"I remember," Walter said. The old dear must be eighty but was sharp as a tack. She had cooked him a fine pot of beef stew as a thank you. It had been delicious.

 

 

"I so hate to complain," Velma said, "But my grandchildren are visiting and um...your dogs are mating on the balcony. I did so hope the children could take lunch with me there, but I don't really want to discuss...why the dogs are fighting in such an odd way. Especially since the dogs are both...well, I am quite sure they are both male."

 

 

"I'm sorry," Walter said, already heading for the door. "I'll bring them right in."

 

 

Grabbing the dogs, Walter hauled them both yelping into the living room. "Stop that," he yelled. "You damn pervert dogs. Why couldn't Scully have nice ordinary dogs? You two...you two should have belonged to Mulder!"

 

 

Locking one poodle in his bedroom and the other in the bathroom, Walter went to have a drink. Then he had two. When he woke up, it was morning. It was a wet and drizzly morning and it smelled foul.

 

 

The bigger poodle walked away as Walter realized it had just lifted a leg on him. The smaller poodle dropped his best dress shoes on his chest. They were both chewed nearly in half.

 

 

"I'm going to beat you," Walter said, grabbing for the smaller miscreant.

 

 

It rolled over and peed itself. The other one jumped up, knocking him to his ass before lunging at the door and running through it. The smaller poodle yelped, rolled to its feet and chased its alpha leader out the door.

 

 

Ha, Walter thought. I'm going to get them and send them to the dog pound. Those two pups from hell don't know that the only way down is through a heavy fire door, leading to a fire escape or the elevators. No dog born can work an elevator. He arrived just in time to see the two fluffy tails vanish through an elevator door.

 

 

"Wait!" Walter yelled. "Hold that door."

 

 

The elevator whipped shut just as Walter reached it. He could swear Ratty had been holding the door until the moment before he reached it. Both dogs were exposing white teeth, lolling tongues, and looked as if they were laughing at him.

 

 

Walter wouldn't have caught them except that they stopped for a quick one in the alley next to the apartment building.

 

 

OooOooO

 

 

The poodles were cowed for now. They lay together on their bed, curled around each other. When Walter walked by, the smaller one crawled over and licked his feet submissively. Walter couldn't help giving the pup a scratch between the ears. He felt as if it was the other poodle that was the ring leader. This younger poodle probably had no idea that his mentor was a truly bad dog.

 

 

The phone rang again and Walter recognized Velma Hopkins again.

 

 

"I thought I might mention that my son is a famous dog trainer, used only positive reinforcement and natural consequences," Velma said.

 

 

"That's okay," Walter said. "I only have the dogs for a long weekend. I can stand it until then, but give me the information anyway. I think my friend needs professional help with these dogs."

 

 

Taking down all the information, Walter read the instructions and carefully measured out a cup and a half of high quality dog food.

 

 

Neither dog seemed to like the food in their bowls. They moaned as Walter cooked a nice thick rare steak, poured a slug of vodka, and warmed up a container of borscht from his dear old aunt on the Russian side of his family.

 

 

"This is human food," Walter said. "You have dog food. Because you're dogs. You need to understand your place."

 

 

The big poodle came over, put his paw on Walter's knee and mouthed, "Wa wa grr, Mmm muh grr....mmm muh grr"

 

 

Wow. It almost sounded as if the dog was trying to say Walter... and what was that last... muh grr? Muh grr?

 

 

No. Why would the poodle try to say 'Mulder'?

 

 

Giving the dog a scrap of fat, Walter said, "Good dog. Try that again. Say Walter. Come on. Say Walter."

 

 

The dog tried to bite him, but Walter managed to jerk his hand away in time.

 

 

Hauling the dog by the collar, Walter put the dog out on the balcony. After all, it couldn't do much on its own.

 

 

OooOooO

 

 

Half an hour later...

 

 

"Mr. Skinner..." Velma's voice said. "Really, Mr. Skinner. The poodle is trying to strangle itself between the rails. You must do something."

 

 

Running out, Walter spent precious moments goggling at Foxy. How had the poodle managed to almost strangle itself with its collar? And even more of a question, why did it appear to be enjoying the strangulation?

 

 

The dog quickly recovered and Walter decided to bring the pair for a walk to calm down.

 

 

They didn't get far before the man Walter knew only as the Smoking Man appeared from the shadows.

 

 

"Where are they?" the man demanded.

 

 

"What?" Walter said, holding onto the two poodles who were snarling in a horrific manner.

 

 

"Your agent and mine," the man said. "Mulder and my Little Agent Krycek, the man I put inside to deal with Mulder."

 

 

At that point, Foxy turned and snapped at Ratty who whimpered pitifully.

 

 

"What ill behaved beasts," the man said. "I know a lab that could use them."

 

 

"I love these dogs," Skinner said.

 

 

"You generally have no taste," the smoking man said. "Now, about Mulder and Krycek..."

 

 

"We assume they ran off together," Walter said. "It seems they loved each other more than they loved working for the FBI or you."

 

 

"Impossible," the smoking man said, "I had Krycek by the balls."

 

 

To Walter's surprise, the smaller poodle managed to break free from his collar and went for the smoking man's balls as if he knew what the man had just said. The old man screamed in terror and ran with surprising agility.

 

 

Foxy pulled sharply and jerked his leash from Walter's hand to join the chase.

 

 

Walter caught up just as the Smoking Man jumped into an open dumpster for protection. Bemused, Walter watched the lid slam shut, knocking his nemesis on the head. The dumpster remained quiet for some time as Walter rounded up the errant pups to walk home.

 

 

The dog treats he bought had nothing to do with the dog's misbehavior...not at all.

 

 

OooOooO

 

 

"Man crushed by garbage," Walter read. He stopped and looked sternly at the dogs. "Now see what you did? Not that it's a loss...but it's not the way dogs are supposed to behave."

 

 

The day went rather well. The poodles seemed to have settled into the routine of two long walks and some fetch games in between. They ate their dog food peacefully although Foxy had a bad habit of knocking his dish over disdainfully which Ratty would, of course, follow.

 

 

Still all in all, Walter was pleased at how much progress the dogs had made since the beginning of this long weekend. He would be almost sad to give them back to Scully.

 

 

OooOooO

 

 

"What?" Walter asked.

 

 

"The mud bath gave me a terrible rash," Scully explained. "I'm in the hospital."

 

 

"For a rash?" Walter asked.

 

 

"It's a very bad rash," Scully said, "in places you don't want to know about. I have to be drugged or I scratch myself. I'm right at the in-between stage of medication right now. Oh, oh my...Nurse! Nurse! I'm sorry, Walter, I have to get a shot right now. Take care of the dogs until I come home."

 

 

Walter stared at the phone. He tried to be a good friend to Scully, feeling she was bereft over Mulder's disappearance. However, despite the day of acceptable behavior, he didn't look forward to caring for the dogs longer.

 

 

And, shit! Foxy had mounted Ratty again.

 

 

After prying the larger dog off his victim, Walter called Velma Hopkin's dog trainer son.

 

 

"I see," Harold Hopkins said. "Can you bring the dogs to my training center or shall I observe them in the home environment?"

 

 

"My apartment," Walter said. "As soon as possible, money no object..."

 

 

OooOooO

 

 

Hopkins didn't have an opening for two days...days in which Walter really considered making poodle coats of the two dogs.

 

 

Hopkins was slender and bookish, not really what Walter expected. He settled down with a cup of tea and watched the poodles.

 

 

"As a breed, they are renowned for intelligence," Hopkins said. "They are more difficult than people expect for that reason. They were bred as a sporting breed, you know. Even the breed cut was meant as an aid to the dog in the water. Shaven areas to reduce the burden of the coat and the hair left around the joints to warm them."

 

 

"I know these dogs are intelligent," Walter said. "I didn't need you to tell me that. What I want you to do is to tell me how to stop them from taking over my life."

 

 

"They need an authority figure," Hopkins said. "They need to know who is master."

 

 

The dogs seemed to have lost interest in Hopkins. Foxy walked over to Ratty, extended his neck over the other dog's neck in what seemed to be an affectionate gesture before mounting the smaller poodle.

 

 

Embarrassed, Walter rushed over to separate the dogs. "That! That," he said, "has to stop! The neighbors are complaining."

 

 

"Exactly what I was saying," Hopkins said. "It's dominance related, Mr. Skinner. There's no reason to be ashamed. The larger dog, Foxy, is simply making the younger dog submit."

 

 

"Really?" Walter remarked, looking doubtfully at the two dogs that were glaring at him resentfully. "They uh seem to enjoy doing that, even Ratty, the smaller dog."

 

 

"Anthropomorphosizing," Hopkins replied. "You are attributing human behaviors to the dogs. Of course, if it really bothers you, neutering will greatly reduce the behaviors. The dogs look to be excellent specimens physically...the younger dog appears to be a Russian import...I recognize the breeding. However since you are not showing the dogs nor proving them in any type of dog work or competition, you might as well have them fixed."

 

 

At this point, the ears on both poodles lifted. The dogs yelped, stood up, and moved as one toward Hopkins.

 

 

Despite his firm voice and his increasing loud commands, the dogs stalked the dog trainer until he ran to the door. He shouted, "They must be neutered...terrible temperaments! Call me when the operations have been completed. They may need medications too."

 

 

What a washout! Walter glumly stared at the dogs that were again humping. He walked out to the balcony, picked up his cell phone, and called Scully.

 

 

Scully sounded much more chipper. Walter said, "Scully about your dogs."

 

 

"Walter, I have to tell you this, I've fallen in love with my doctor," Scully said. "We're going to be married."

 

 

"Well, that was sudden," Walter replied.

 

 

"Love can be like that," Scully said, sounding all of fifteen.

 

 

"But the dogs," Walter said.

 

 

"He's allergic to dogs and he hates them," Scully said. "If you can keep them a few more days, I'll see if my sister, Melissa will take them. She should be flying in from Rio in a few days."

 

 

Feeling very sorry for the poodles, Walter said, "Scully, I'm shocked at your behavior. It's very irresponsible. Forget about your sister. I'm going to keep the dogs. The first thing I'm going to do is have them neutered. You should have taken care of that a long time ago."

 

 

"I'm sorry, Walter," Scully said. "You have to understand...all those years of waiting for Mulder to notice me and then...him running off with Krycek. I need to start living again."

 

 

"You think you're the only one who waited for Mulder to notice them?" Walter snapped, hanging up.

 

 

Oh shit, Walter realized that he shouldn't have said that, shouldn't have admitted to his feelings. He could only hope that Scully didn't understand what he meant.

 

 

OooOooO

 

 

The first scheduled appointment at the poodle's vet had to be canceled. Walter had been told not to feed the dogs or give them water the day before. Somehow the dogs managed to open the refrigerator door and devour the remains of his Beef Wellington.

 

 

The second appointment was canceled when the two dogs broke into the garbage and ate everything vaguely edible in the can.

 

 

Walter scheduled the third appointment and paid additional fees for the dogs to be housed in the kennel a full day and night in advance. It took both him and Melissa Scully to load the dogs in his car.

 

 

Scully's sister had offered to help when she came by to check on the dogs. Melissa said, "I don't know, Walter. I mean, isn't it their choice about their sexuality?"

 

 

"Mr. Hopkins assured me that the mounting was not a sign that the poodles were gay," Walter said. "He said that I have to assert my authority and that Foxy's disobedience would improve without all those hormones. And I don't see the point in doing one without the other."

 

 

"So sad," Melissa replied, petting Ratty who had put a pleading paw on her lap.

 

 

"Well, it has to be done and it's the right thing," Walter said. He had been reading on the internet and was sure that the dogs should be neutered. There were thousands of homeless poodles and putting these dogs out to add to the burden was wrong. Besides, when the dogs weren't misbehaving, Walter enjoyed the company.

 

 

"I'll just give them some of this Bach Flower Remedy," Melissa said. "It's the one for anxiety."

 

 

"You sure that it won't interfere with the anesthesia?" Walter asked.

 

 

"Absolutely," Melissa said. "It's wonderful stuff, not toxic at all. In fact, I wonder if we should try it instead of neutering?"

 

 

"I can't be talked out of it," Walter said.

 

 

"Wah grr, Wah grr, neeeooooo!!!" Foxy howled.

 

 

"My God, it almost sounds if he is saying your name!" Melissa said.

 

 

"I thought so too," Walter said. "Eerie, makes me wish Mulder was here to investigate it."

 

 

"Rrrmmm Muh grr," Foxy barked. "Rrrmmm Muh grrr!"

 

 

"It's so cute," Melissa said. "I bet we can go on that show about funny pets with him!"

 

 

"After he's neutered," Walter said.

 

 

OooOooO

 

 

After the dogs were dragged into the clinic and locked in separate cages, Walter breathed a sigh of relief. Soon the dogs would be neutered and he could start training them to behave in acceptable ways. Hell, if he learned enough from this dog training, maybe he would use it on his other agents. Although the agent he most would have enjoyed taming was gone, vanished with his pretty, pretty partner...

 

 

OooOooO

 

 

Walter felt the buzz of his phone a third time in the last hour. He glanced at it covertly. It was the vet clinic as were the other two attempts to call him.

 

 

"Err, I have a family member in the hospital," Walter lied to the director. "Please excuse me. I have to call the doctor back."

 

 

"Of course," the director said. "I was finished anyway. See you next week."

 

 

Relieved at the relatively short budget meeting, Walter scurried off to call the clinic.

 

 

"It's Walter Skinner," Walter said.

 

 

"Mr. Skinner, something terrible has happened," the vet said.

 

 

Oh no, guilt hit Walter hard. One of the dogs must have died during surgery!

 

 

"They've been stolen," the vet said. "There was an emergency in the reception area...a large dog escaped during the cat clinic. We all had to deal with it. When we returned, instead of your dogs, there were naked men in the cages. They may have let the dogs loose. I think they must be animal rights nuts. The police are here now, but the men keep yelling that they are your agents, Mulder and Krycek."

 

 

"Please have the police hold them there," Walter said. "Agents Mulder and Krycek have been missing for over a year!"

 

 

A sinking feeling came over Walter as he sped toward the clinic. He remembered Foxy's amusing human like noises. "Wah grr...his name as spoken by tongue and teeth not equipped for it. Mahh grr...that could have been Mulder.

 

 

Walter had forgotten to ask. Had the dogs been neutered before the catastrophe in reception?

 

 

Never mind, if the worst had happened, Walter would try to comfort his devastated agents...poor soft, pretty, neutered boys as they would be. Walter felt another stab of guilt for the excitement evoked from that image.

 

 

OooOooO

 

 

The two agents clung together in one of the exam rooms. They wore vet scrubs and seemed out of it.

 

 

Walter asked, "Was the operation completed on my dogs?"

 

 

"No," the vet said. "They were difficult to sedate and we had just managed to inject them with preoperative anesthesia when the dog escaped."

 

 

"Thank God," Walter said.

 

 

"Grrr..." Mulder said. "I mean, get us out of here, Walter!"

 

 

Showing his ID, Walter said, "My agents were kidnapped over a year ago. I'm not sure why they were returned in this fashion, but they are the victims here. I'll take them to the hospital."

 

 

"What about your dogs?" the vet said. "Our liability?"

 

 

"Don't worry about it," Walter said. "I'll make a police report. It isn't your fault."

 

 

Helping the shivering men down from the exam table, Walter let them both lean on him as they went out the door. He buckled Mulder and Krycek carefully into the back seat. The two men cuddled together sweetly.

 

"I'm going to bring you to my apartment," Walter said. "I'm afraid that your apartments have both been let go."

 

 

"Thanks, Walter," Mulder said. "Oh, I feel woozy. Man, what did they drug us with Alex? I had the weirdest dreams? I was a poodle! A fucking poodle!"

 

 

"Mulder, I don't think it was a dream," Alex said, holding out his hand. The nails were painted green just as Ratty's claws had been. Melissa hadn't asked permission, but Walter hadn't been angry. The poodle seemed to like the cosmetic enhancement.

 

 

"I'm not the one who usually espouses the strange theories," Walter said, "But I think somehow you were both transformed into dogs for the last year."

 

 

"The bite of the Were-Poodle!" Mulder yelled.

 

 

"What?" Walter asked.

 

 

"That case, that damned case," Alex muttered, sounding like an Edgar Allen Poe character.

 

 

"We were investigating the jewel thieves when we were attacked by a were-poodle and bitten," Mulder explained.

 

 

"Exhausted by our investigation, we fell asleep," Mulder added.

 

 

"I know what you were exhausted by," Walter muttered, glaring back at the agents when the light turned red.

 

 

Alex at least blushed. He perked up though and said, "Did we really kill Spender?"

 

 

"Not exactly," Walter said. "He was crushed by garbage when the dumpster was emptied."

 

 

"I'm free!" Alex said. "Spender was the only one who had a hold on me."

 

 

"What kind of hold did he have on you?" Mulder asked.

 

 

"He was the only one who knew I still wet the bed when I was going to academy," Alex admitted.

 

 

"That's a pissy reason for letting yourself be turned," Mulder growled.

 

 

"But it would have washed me out," Alex said.

 

 

"Well, Scully did say you were difficult to housebreak," Walter said. "But with patience and kindness, you mastered it. I think the cure will remain in your human form."

 

 

"I think so too," Alex said. He smiled, his face even more beautiful now that it was free of shadows.

 

 

"Don't worry about anything," Walter said. "I'll arrange a cover story...that you were held by a religious cult. You'll be back at work in no time and, meanwhile, you can stay at my apartment."

 

 

OooOooO

 

 

Two months later, extensive paperwork and psychological interviews later, Mulder and Krycek were back on the job.

 

 

Over for breakfast, although they had their own apartment now, paid for by all that back pay, Mulder slathered jam on his toast. He nudged the dog training book that Walter had left on the table. "Were you planning on getting new dogs, Walter?"

 

 

"No," Walter said. "I would always be comparing them to my poodles. I've been reading through the dog training though. There might be some applications I can use on the job."

 

 

"Really?" Mulder said. "I'll be interested in seeing how."

 

 

"I'm sure you'll be the first to know," Walter said.

 

 

OooOooO

 

 

Of course, Walter was right. One week into the job and Mulder had already ran off on a case, investigating a lead that the agent in charge had told him to leave. He had, of course, led Alex astray with him. It did not impress Walter one whit that Mulder explained that he and Alex had retained their keen sense of smell from their time as dogs, allowing them to realize that the chief of police was the true killer because his scent was always present at the murder sites and was older than it should have been if it was only because he was part of the investigation.

 

 

It was not the fact that Mulder challenged the agent in charge that bothered Walter. It was that Mulder didn't ask Walter to overrule that fatuous prig, Colton, the agent who had been in charge of the investigation. He would have given Mulder his leave and the backup team that would have made the investigation safer for Alex and him.

 

 

"My office," Walter said grimly.

 

 

"Yes, sir," Mulder replied.

 

 

Walking silently into the office, Walter shut and locked the door behind Mulder and himself.

 

 

"Agent," Walter said, suddenly pushing Mulder over his desk.

 

 

"Walter, what are you doing?" Mulder shrieked as Walter pulled down his trousers.

 

 

"Showing dominance," Skinner said, mounting his subordinate. "Showing you who is boss..."

 

 

Hmm, the book didn't say that the submissive pack member could enjoy this....

 

 

The End


End file.
